It Happened

The day has come.  Emma will have her first taste of formula today.

Part of me is devastated.  Part of me is sad.  Part of me feels like a failure. 

I just can’t produce enough milk for my baby.  I feel like I have tried almost everything.  I drink 3 – 4 cups of Mother’s Milk tea a day.  I take Fenugreek.  I drink tons of water.  I even try to eat oatmeal in the morning.  But I still can’t get more than 15 – 18 ounces while I am at work. 

I know I could wake up in the middle of the night and pump.  I just don’t have that in me.  I am tired and worn out from working all day and the last thing I want to do is wake up to pump.  Especially when I loathe pumping.

I know my baby girl will survive.  I know she will thrive. 

A little part of me feels like I have given up.  

But a bigger part of me feels pretty proud of myself that for the last 7 months, she has had nothing to drink other than my milk.  

(For those wondering, I am definitely not planning on giving up breastfeeding- I just think Emma will have to start taking one bottle per day of formula to supplement)